Let It Go

“Don’t stop believin’. Hold onto that feelin’.”

People will likely recognize these words from the iconic song “Don’t Stop Believin,” by the rock band Journey. Regardless of whether you like the song or find it annoyingly cliche at this point, it remains arguably Journey’s biggest hit and it would be unthinkable at this point for them to omit it from any live show they might ever perform. I was at a rave 20 years ago when Paul Oakenfold played a techno remix of the classic song in his set. When the line “A singer in a smokey room” played, Oakenfold abruptly cut the volume and the entire arena bellowed back, “A smell of wine and cheap perfume!” 

“Wow,” I remember musing, “people really like this song.”

I never gave the song much attention before that. I had likely heard it dozens of times before that night as it was ever-present throughout the radio play of my youth. My musical tastes lay elsewhere though in the less catchy, often abrasive sounds of punk rock and alternative. I will admit that in my extensive collection of CD’s that followed me through my early adult life, I never owned a single Journey album. It just wasn’t my thing. 

It wasn’t until years later, when I got into deejaying myself that I grew to appreciate the iconic tune and the way it still lights people up. I have my own remix of it that never seems to disappoint. I’ll drop it in the midst of a set and simply let the magic unfold. People smile, throw their arms up, and sing joyfully along without a shred of self-consciousness. Nobody seems to care that they can’t match the vocal brilliance of Steve Perry or that they even forget a few words. Its familiarity is its strength and it is, for many, comfort food for their ears. It simply works and as a deejay, I am always looking for what works. 

I have occasionally reflected on that chorus though, “Don’t stop believin’. Hold onto that feelin’.”

It’s not exactly the best advice.

See, feelings are not to be held. They are simply to be experienced and eventually released. Much of our affliction comes from the unwillingness to simply let the good times pass. We have a hard time letting the good feelings go. When the euphoria subsides, we just want more. 

Renowned meditation teacher and author Jack Kornfield once wrote about his experience after a prolonged silent meditation retreat:

“When I returned to practice in Ajahn Chah’s community following more than a year of silent Mahasi retreat, I recounted all of these experiences—dissolving my body into light, profound insights into emptiness, hours of vast stillness and freedom. Ajahn Chah understood and appreciated them from his own deep wisdom. Then he smiled and said, ‘Well, something else to let go of.’” 

We often equate positive emotional experiences with signs of spiritual success. Feelings of peace and oneness confer a sense of having achieved something significant in our spiritual path. Conversely, feelings of stress, isolation, disappointment, or sadness seem to suggest the opposite- that something is wrong with either ourselves or the world around us. Naturally, we seek to alleviate such negative feelings and replace them with positive ones. Then, should we find ourselves in those highs again, we want to hold onto the feeling of the moment.

Alas, moments cannot be held- only experienced. Our attempt to hold onto any feeling will be met with disappointment. The only moment you can truly experience is right now. Even your memories of positive events can only occur in whatever muted and faded sense this particular moment offers. 

Watching a video of your wedding will not reproduce the elation and warmth of the day it happened. Staring at photos of your trip to Italy will not put you in the magic and energy of the place itself. Recalling fondly the glory and vitality of your younger days is no substitution for the gift of directly living it. No, we are constantly being called back into the here and now of the present and whatever feelings are arising in it. Holding onto a feeling is an attempt to hold onto the past, and is about as pointless as trying to hold onto a satisfying meal by eating it every day. Eventually you must let go and allow for the diversity and newness of your own experiential range. It can’t all be pleasant. 

On your spiritual journey you will hopefully have numerous moments where you feel peace, satisfaction, and contentment. Moments where you feel complete- like there is absolutely nothing wrong with yourself or the world around you. Drink them fully without grasping. Release them without concern. More good feelings will come and those too will pass. Don’t get too caught up in the sparkle of your memories. Just live in the realness of the present. There is no special trick to it. 

The tendency to measure our spiritual growth by how we feel is a very natural byproduct of our analytical minds. We assume that if we feel good, then there must be some aspect of our behavior that caused it. We might even boast about it to others as proof that we are really doing our work. The egoic mind loves to hide out in the good feelings. It cloaks itself in the warmth of thinking that “if I feel so good, then I must be doing something right.” The egoic mind sits unchallenged in the ephemeral moments of overt elation and delight. We take feeling good as evidence of wisdom but this is not necessarily true. Our states of being are often circumstantial. Under different circumstances we will likely feel something else and it may not be so wonderful. Don’t get too caught up in your feelings as metrics for success. It’s in the less overt expressions of our emotional states that we often discover our true wisdom and strength. Consider that the real evidence of spiritual growth is not found in fleeting moments of ascension and bliss, but in our relaxed ability to endure the normal and sometimes painful expressions of life as it comes. 

Anthemic as “Don’t Stop Believin” may be, it’s not exactly the best advice for living a rich and grounded spiritual life. Perhaps we would do well to heed the words of Elsa from the movie Frozen instead and simply “Let it go.” Be with what is, not the distant fondness of what once was. Your positive experiences of the past may not be readily replicable now and that is perfectly okay. Let the storm rage on and recognize the glory and majesty of your own divine unfolding within each present moment. Your own awakening is not measured in how you once felt in some past moment. Enlightenment is not even cemented or proven by how you are currently feeling right now. That will change too. Your true growth and wisdom is revealed simply in your courageous openness to whatever comes next- be it a joy, a sorrow, or just some sappy, overplayed, rock song that everyone but you seems to know and love.